If you’ve ever gone to the doctor with a concern and felt like they were downplaying your symptoms—or straight up not listening to you—you’ve probably experienced medical gaslighting. I’m all too familiar with the topic, because it’s happened to me.
The most frustrating time was back in 2019, when I decided to get an IUD. Once it was inserted, my gynecologist told me I might experience some cramping in the coming days and weeks, and explained how to check the strings to make sure it was properly in place. (When an IUD is sitting in the uterus correctly, you can only feel the tips of its strings at the top of your vagina.) For the first week or so, that was exactly what I felt whenever I checked. But after experiencing some intense cramps that literally made me double over in pain, I checked the strings again and noticed they were hanging a lot lower.
When I reached out to my doctor and explained what I was experiencing, and that I thought my IUD might be falling out, she told me that the strings were probably just hanging lower since I was in a different phase of my menstrual cycle. She reminded me that IUD expulsion (where your IUD falls out or is pushed out of the uterus by cramps) only happens in 2 to 10 percent of cases, and that she’d never seen it happen to any of her patients.
Still, I felt like the pain I was experiencing wasn’t normal, so I made an appointment. After a physical exam, my gyno wasn’t totally convinced that my IUD was falling out. She told me that if I wanted, I could get an ultrasound to double-check its placement. I did. The ultrasound confirmed what I was already 99 percent sure of: My IUD was falling out, and had to be removed.
As far as medical gaslighting horror stories go, mine is pretty mild. My doctor was at least willing to somewhat hear me out and order the ultrasound. If she hadn’t, I could’ve ended up with a perforated uterus or an unwanted pregnancy, both very real risks of IUD expulsion.
Which brings me to the purpose of this article. I spoke with four experts with backgrounds in medicine, patient advocacy, clinical medical ethics, and sociology to bring you information on what medical gaslighting is, why it happens, how to tell if it’s happening to you, and what you can do to make sure you feel heard at the doctor’s office.
What is medical gaslighting, exactly?
Medical gaslighting is when a healthcare provider dismisses or ignores a patient’s concerns and symptoms, leaving them without a clear treatment plan or diagnosis, explains Ilana Jacqueline, a patient advocacy expert and the author of Medical Gaslighting: How to Get the Care You Deserve in a System that Makes You Fight for Your Life. Often, the provider will say that the patient is being overly cautious, or blame the symptoms on a mental health cause, like stress or anxiety. Doctors might also say that it’s not worth testing for a condition because it’s super rare, or make the excuse that they have “sicker” patients that they need to focus on, Jacqueline adds.
It’s basically the same kind of gaslighting you’ve heard about when it comes to relationships, where you’re made to feel “crazy” and question your own experience of reality, just in a different context. “Medical gaslighting calls into question the very reality and credibility of a patient’s own experience of self, leaving them to feel confused, hopeless, frustrated, and in a state of self-doubt,” says Devora Shapiro, PhD, an associate professor of medical ethics at Ohio University’s Heritage College of Osteopathic Medicine, who researches medical gaslighting.
Who’s most likely to experience medical gaslighting?
While medical gaslighting can impact anyone, it happens most often to women, people of color, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. This is likely due, in part, to the fact that most medical research has been done on cisgender white men. “This research does not recognize that health conditions can have different risk factors, presentation, and treatment outcomes among [different people],” explains Kim Templeton, MD, a professor of orthopedic surgery and sports medicine at the University of Kansas Medical Center.
When medical conditions show up differently in patients who fall outside that white, cisgender male demographic, providers sometimes feel less confident making a diagnosis, which can lead to medical gaslighting, says Karen Lutfey Spencer, PhD, a professor of health and behavioral sciences at the University of Colorado, Denver, who researches medical decision making. Basically, anyone who is a person of color, a woman, trans, or has a stigmatized characteristic, like a larger body, a mental illness, or a poorly understood medical condition (including long COVID) is more likely to experience medical gaslighting because they don’t fit the mold that our country’s medical knowledge is based on, she explains.
Additionally, there isn't a lot of education around the ways that men and women experience pain differently. That can lead to symptoms being misinterpreted and not taken seriously. It also makes women more likely to be prescribed medication, or dismissed with a mental health-related diagnosis, rather than getting to the root of the issue, says Dr. Templeton.
History also plays a major role in why women, people of color, and members of the LGBTQ+ community experience medical gaslighting the most. All of these groups have historically faced stereotypes and prejudice around their trustworthiness, intellectual abilities, personhood, and pain thresholds, Dr. Shapiro explains. Biases around these factors have been baked into our medical education system and reinforced over the years, adds Dr. Spencer.
There are plenty of examples of this phenomenon in action. A 2022 study published in JAMA Surgery found that women waited an average of 12 minutes longer to be seen in the emergency room than men. And according to a 2023 study published in JAMA Network Open, people of color are less likely to receive pain medication when being treated for traumatic injuries than their white counterparts—even when they report high levels of pain. In fact, they’re less likely to even have their pain levels recorded in their health records at all.
Why does medical gaslighting happen?
Beyond the lack of health research on anyone except cis white men and the bias and stereotypes at play, one of the biggest driving forces behind medical gaslighting is the state of the U.S. healthcare system. Many providers are under pressure to see more patients than they can realistically handle in a day, which makes it hard to give every patient the attention, time, consideration, and testing that they deserve, says Jacqueline.
Being stressed and overworked also makes people more likely to make biased decisions and mistakes—and physicians are no exception. “There are pressures to make decisions and move on. So if something is unexplained, or [a doctor doesn’t] know what a diagnosis is, it can come out in this gaslighting kind of way rather than saying ‘[I don’t know],’” explains Dr. Spencer.
It’s important to keep in mind that medical gaslighting isn’t always intentional: “Even smart, well-intentioned doctors can struggle because of the history they are embedded in and the systems they are working in,” Dr. Spencer adds.
How can I tell if my doctor is gaslighting me?
Medical gaslighting can show up in a lot of different ways. The main signs to look out for are feeling like your concerns are being dismissed, or noticing that you’re being given excuses for your symptoms that don’t feel accurate (for example, being told “it’s probably just stress”), says Jacqueline. If you start doubting yourself and your knowledge of your own body and health, it’s probably time to find a new provider, says Dr. Shapiro. Ditto if you’re experiencing pain and your doctor is ignoring it.
If your doc isn’t willing to answer your questions or discuss your concerns, that can also be a telltale sign of medical gaslighting. Even if your doctor doesn’t want to run a test that you’ve requested or prescribe a medication that you’re interested in, they should at least be willing to chat it through with you. If they dismiss you or change the subject, that’s a big red flag, says Dr. Spencer.
If you have a bad experience, remember that there are plenty of other providers out there, says Dr. Shapiro. It may take some trial and error, but eventually you’ll find someone who takes your concerns seriously.
What should I do if my doctor is gaslighting me?
As soon as the gaslighting starts, Jacqueline recommends pausing and reminding yourself of the overall goal of your appointment. Try to put aside the hurt, frustration, or whatever else you might be feeling, and just state the facts about what you’re experiencing and why you made the appointment. It can be tempting to shut down in the moment, but that won’t help you get the care that you need and deserve.
Tell your doctor that you feel like you’re not being heard, and try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Keeping things respectful will give you a better chance of having a positive outcome. “It can be incredibly stressful to feel that your voice is not being heard, and maintaining a respectful engagement may seem difficult in the moment. Remember that your provider is human too, and subject to all the same moods and challenges of everyday life that you are,” says Dr. Shapiro.
If the situation feels like a lost cause, though, don’t be afraid to seek a second opinion.
How can I find a doctor who will actually listen to me?
First up, do your research. When choosing a new provider, Jacqueline suggests spending some time looking at doctors’ online reviews. Sites like Zocdoc and Healthgrades give you access to patient ratings and reviews, and private practices may also have Google reviews that are worth reading.
Another great resource is word of mouth. Ask a friend or family member with a similar background to you if they see a certain provider that they like. If they’ve had a positive experience, you’re probably more likely to have one, too.
Once you decide on a new provider, treat your first appointment like a blind date. Suss out whether they seem to be a good fit for you. If they don’t thoughtfully answer your questions, if they rush you out of the room, or if they make it difficult to ask follow-up questions via your online medical portal, you should start looking for someone else, says Jacqueline. Trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel like you’re not being heard, adds Dr. Shapiro.
How can I make sure that I actually feel heard at the doctor’s office?
There are lots of strategies that you can use to advocate for yourself and mitigate medical gaslighting. Here’s what the experts recommend:
Mention any concerns when you schedule your appointment.
When you call to make your appointment (or let’s be real, schedule one online), it’s worth mentioning any specific concerns you have—especially if you have past test results or notes you’d like to chat through. This makes it easier for your doctor to plan, says Dr. Templeton. In other words, they’ll be more likely to enter the exam room prepared and ready to answer your questions.
Start the appointment with your questions.
Prepare a list of questions ahead of time, and let the doctor know the reason for your visit as soon as they enter the room. This way, you’re setting the agenda for the appointment and ensuring that you’ll get answers even if the doctor is short on time. If you let your provider lead the appointment, you could end up with only a few minutes at the end to rush through your questions, explains Dr. Spencer.
Keep a log of your symptoms and bring it with you.
If there are certain symptoms you want to talk to your doctor about, Dr. Spencer recommends keeping a running log of what’s been bothering you in your Notes app (or in a physical notebook), along with specific dates and times that you’ve noticed them. This will help you and your doctor identify potential patterns to determine the root cause of what’s going on. It will also give your doctor more concrete data to work with than if you just walk in saying, “I feel shitty lately.”
Bring a buddy.
Recruiting a friend, partner, or family member to come to your appointment with you can be helpful for a few reasons. First, it can ease your anxiety and make you feel more comfortable speaking up if you feel like you’ve got an ally in the room. Your support person also might be able to validate your experiences, and share other examples of your symptoms with the doctor, Dr. Spencer adds. Plus, they can absorb the information from the appointment or even take notes, which will make it easier for you to be present in the moment.
Ask about a follow-up plan.
If your doc doesn’t mention concrete next steps, don’t be afraid to ask for some. Just remember that medical timelines can be hard to predict, especially if you’re waiting for test results, says Dr. Templeton. She suggests asking for an estimated timeline, but staying open to the fact that it might change. It’s also a good idea to ask your provider for the best way to contact them with follow-up questions. That way, you can stay in contact even if your next steps aren’t crystal clear.
Kara Cuzzone is a New York City-based writer, editor, and artist. She has over seven years of experience covering health, wellness, and shopping-related topics for sites including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Byrdie, Wondermind, and PureWow.
