The term “polysexuality” is defined by the attraction to many genders and identities. And someone who is polysexual can consider themselves a member of the LGBTQ+ community, as polysexuality is a queer identity.
But more often than not, those who identify as polysexual ignore gender binaries altogether, especially when it comes to who they are and aren’t attracted to. “Usually, when we talk about sexuality, it’s very much rooted in binaries—so, man/woman or nonbinary folks,” says Cameron Glover, a certified sex educator and business coach. “But I think there is a conversation that can be had looking at sexuality beyond that.”
The Difference Among Polysexual, Polyamory, Bisexual, and Pansexual
Identifying as polysexual would mean that a person is not necessarily attracted to all genders but many genders.
Bisexual people have the capacity to form enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attractions to those of the same gender or to those of another gender, according to GLAAD. In some cases, there can be binaries rooted in that attraction—unlike polysexuality.
And to identify as pansexual, it would mean you are attracted to any person regardless of their gender or sexual identity. The prefix “pan” literally means “all,” while the prefix “poly” means “many,” according to Merriam-Webster.
Polysexuality also has nothing to do with polyamory, which is a relationship style, not a sexuality. Polyamory is “a form of consensual non-monogamy that emphasizes emotional connection among multiple partners,” says Elisabeth Sheff, PhD, author of The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families.
Related terms:
What identifying as polysexual looks like
People who identify as polysexual simply have more individual and specific preferences—and their identity reflects that.
The term also enforces the fact that sexuality is deeply personal. “I think that no matter what label we are using, we need to make room for individuals to create their own definitions. Even if you’re with a bunch of folks and everyone identifies as pansexual or polysexual, you’re going to have a ton of different definitions,” says Glover. In other words, polysexuality looks different for each person who identifies as such.
For example, being polysexual may mean being attracted to all genders with the exception of cis men. It can also mean being attracted only to masculine-presenting folk regardless of gender. Identifying as polysexual lives within the confines of personal definition and identity.
How can you support friends who identify as polysexual?
- Do your research. As Glover says, “Google is your friend.” Seeking knowledge helps you speak on the subject in an educated manner and be able to more easily relate to your loved one. It also takes away from the work that they would have to do in explaining to you the meaning of polysexuality.
- Follow queer advocates and activists on social media. Glover stresses the importance of learning about queer identity due to the political lean of polysexuality. “A lot of the formation of how we talk about polysexuality is rooted in that activism part. It’s really important to do our research and understand not just queer history but also queer activism.”
- Follow sex educators and sexuality professionals. Especially ones who address gender identity, relationship styles, and sexual identities. You can start with Glover here.
- Talk to your friend. Open and understanding dialogue is key. Since polysexual means different things for different folks, only your friend is going to know what identifying as polysexual means to them. At the end of the day, your friend will be the best resource you have to determine what they need from you.
