X Factor not quite the ratings juggernaut it once was

Last night, the X Factor returned, with all the pomp that ITV could muster.

Although, to be fair to ITV, when you're marketing something that now features Nick Grimshaw and Olly Murs as part of the mix, you're going to be struggling a bit to begin with.

Even so, a drop of 20% of viewers compared with last year's launch isn't great.

ITV are muttering about how maybe everyone was out because it was Bank Holiday (or maybe the thought that it's still August and this is going to drag on until Christmas put everyone off?).

And it still managed over seven million, which is considered good for the nearly identical Britain's Got Talent.

And it's not like ITV's got an idea to replace it with - Celebrity Sheepdogs or whatever that thing was isn't going to be anchoring a Saturday night any time soon.

So, on it will limp. Maybe they'll bring Steve Brookstein back as a twist.

Google is just taking the piss here, isn't it?

Dapper Laugh's geezer mate

Dapper Laughs. Has there ever been so much misinformation contained in a two-word name since the government dubbed burning irradiated corpses and shooting looters "Civil Defence"?

Popbitch has a great piece which explains why ITV commissioned the series in the first place - basically, it's not how you treat women, but how ITV treat its few remaining successful entertainers - but there's also this:

The extent of Holly Willoughby’s involvement probably goes no further than getting her mate (Mike Skinner from The Streets) the job of composing Dapper Laughs’ theme tune.

Mike Skinner was working for Dapper Laughs? Oh, Mike. Oh, Mike.

James Arthur makes watery prime-time sort-of apology

So how would ITV square inviting unacceptable rapper James Arthur onto the channel after sacking unacceptable rapper Chris Fountain?

By getting Arthur to mumble something which sounded like it might have been an apology. DigitalSpy was watching:

Speaking to Dermot O'Leary on tonight's show, he said: "It's been an amazing year for me. There's been incredible highs paired with some terrible lows. I've made a few very silly mistakes.

"I just want to thank all the people who are still supporting me and especially The X Factor for giving me the opportunity to do my dream job.

"Above all, I'd like to say sorry for abusing my position as an X Factor winner, because I owe everything to this thing."

First of all: "abusing my position as an X Factor winner" - that's not even a thing, James. It's not like you're the chair of the Co-Op Bank, or Cabinet Secretary. Nobody thinks your homophobia would be okay if you'd not made it through to Boot Camp.

Secondly: Even if it was a thing, that's not what you should be apologising for, and not who you should be apologising to.

No indication that he understands why what he did was terrible; no suggestion that he shouldn't have said those things. ITV have managed to make things worse.

ITV apparently OK with James Arthur's homophobia

Here's a surprise: homophobic tosser James Arthur is due to appear on The X Factor this Sunday, and ITV are okay with that:

A spokesperson says, "Both Itv and the producers of The X Factor would like to make it clear that in no way do we support, condone or share any form of homophobia or discrimination.

"Following his comments James has since apologised last week, making it clear that he did not mean to cause any offence and explaining the context behind his remarks."

Yes, ITV seem to be endorsing Arthur's tortuous 'it's not hateful providing you know the guy you're calling a fucking queer is straight' logic.

The odd thing, though, is that when Coronation Street's Chris Fountain was revealed to have pushed an ill-advised rap video to the internet, ITV were less forgiving:

An ITV spokesperson said: "Chris Fountain's contract with ITV has been terminated as a result of the unacceptable comments he made in a number of online clips."

But Chris Fountain also "explained the context", said he didn't mean to cause offence and apologised profusely. He was still sacked.

Not quite sure what the difference is, unless ITV really is so scared of Simon Cowell it's quite happy to apply double standards. But it couldn't be that, right?

Gordon in the morning: A national outrage

Leigh Holmwood, looking after TV for the Sun, reports on a shocking show of disrespect to a national figure who, while divisive, has unquestionably won ratings:

SIMON Cowell has been snubbed by Bafta — with neither Britain’s Got Talent nor X Factor nominated for TV awards.

They were left out of the reality and constructed factual category ahead of the May 12 ceremony.

Wouldn't there have had to be some sort of reason to expect the clapped-out X Factor and the dancing dog to have been selected as the best of the year before you could consider this a "snub"?

Gordon in the morning: Dog rough

This has been muttered about before, but - presumably because dogs are easier to cope with than people - Simon Cowell is working on a dog talent show.

ITV - presumably on the same basis that they signed up for a second series of Red Or Black - are apparently clearing space in the schedule for a dancing dog show.

Simon Cowell has vanished beyond the Simian Wimbledon horizon.

Gordon in the morning: X Factor in danger of becoming a 'pantomime'

All is not happy over at The X Factor, within the tolerances of the word "is":

FUMING Gary Barlow has threatened to quit X Factor if a similar shambles to Sunday’s deadlock drama ever happens again.

The Take That singer, 41, summoned host Dermot O’Leary and show chiefs to an emergency meeting to discuss his ultimatum last night.

The head judge is said to want to “put a stop to tricks” and end “pantomime” on the show.

Demanding an end to pantomime on the X Factor is akin to requesting they drop the cakes from The Great British Bake-Off.

Indeed, the presence of Dermot at this latter-day Yalta Conference points towards this being as much part of the great pantomime as anything - why would you want the conduit there? Isn't this a job for the producers?

Apparently, at the weekend, someone who could sing a bit got sent home leaving someone else who couldn't really sing that well but was a show-off. Like kicking out Mark Owen to make room for Robbie Williams, if you will.

So, what is the upshot of all this foot-stamping and toy-tossing?

The Sun can reveal he will return this weekend — on the condition that his demands are met.

Altogether now: Oh no, they didn't...

Gordon in the morning: Caught in a frightening Labrinth

Apparently Labrinth is trying to have his mass ITV audience appearance and reject it. Gordon reports that he's upset at being forced to go on The X Factor by Simon Cowell:

He said: “I’ve been forced. A lot of people think I hate X Factor and think it’s s***. I’m just being honest about the way it works. I think artists who take their craft really seriously don’t go on it.”

Really? How principled of you, then, Mr Labrinth, to, erm, sign to a label which is subsidised entirely by the efforts of those shit artists who don't take approach their "craft" "seriously".

One might wonder how you managed to stomach this bilious distaste when you signed to Syco in the first place. Maybe the money helps.

X Factor scrapes into the next round

According to TV Scoops, the X Factor's return performed a bit like the average X Factor winner - did alright, can hold its head up, but doesn't really look to have much of a stellar future ahead of it:

'The X Factor' 2012 launched with an average of 8m (excl +1) last night, the programmes's smallest launch audience since 2006.

— TV Scoops (@tvscoops) August 19, 2012

The share was also the lowest since 2006, apparently, so it wasn't just that some of the audience stayed outdoors barbecuing their children; those people who were indoors were tempted away by Indiana Jones And The Destruction Of Franchise Goodwill on BBC One.

UPDATE: The MediaGuardian figures are little brighter for ITV:

The X Factor's peak of 9.9 million represented a 46% share of viewers, while the 8.7 million for the whole 75-minute show, 42% of viewers, gave it double the audience share of any other programme.

Gordon in the morning: It's there in the paper, it Murs be the truth

Here's a strange little story tease on Gordon's area this morning:

Now, Olly Murs is the only person in the whole entire world to have competed twice on Deal Or No Deal, so he's not above game shows. But is he really "so desperate for love" he's pestering to go on a dating programme?

The first hint that this is going to be a sloppy job is the suggestion that a show on ITV on Saturday nights, pulling in just shy of five million viewers, is a "cult" programme.

So, we'll bite. Show us your evidence.

The story is written by Richard Moriarty, who, like his famous fictional genius namesake, is called Moriarty.

SINGER Olly Murs is so desperate for love he wants to go on dating show Take Me Out.

He wants to go on the dating show because he's desperate, is he?

The Thinking Of Me star told fans he had been pestering host Paddy McGuinness to get him on the cult ITV1 programme.

Poor guy - pestering Paddy McGuinness, and then telling fans about it.

Olly, 28, opened his heart during a performance at Lytham Proms near Blackpool, Lancs.

He opened his heart? This is sounding like quite a serious place to be in.

He teased a band member for being single, saying: “We are in talks with Paddy McGuinness to get him on Take Me Out."

Hang on.

“Obviously he’s got to join the queue — I’m already at the front.”

Ah. So despite the claims that Murs is desperately pestering McGuinness because he wants a girlfriend, actually the story is 'Olly Murs jokes about a single friend and then undecuts it with some self-deprecating humour at his own expense'.

Even if you assume that Moriarty can't spot a joke - that, perhaps, the fictional smart guy he shares traits with Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory - and he was sitting there going "this is all, clearly, factual, because why would anyone say something that wasn't true?", the story is rotten. Because the attempt to turn a weak joke into a news story still adds a load of made-up detail.

Brits 2012: Adele was cut short; the story not so

After James Corden's producer-enforced stage-rush to shut her up, ITV are hoping Adele will accept their apology:

"The Brits is a live event. Unfortunately the programme was over-running and we had to move on. We would like to apologise to Adele for the interruption."

Yes, it's a live event. That, surely, is the point? Is there any point in showing a programme, constantly chanting 'the most important award of the evening is the best album award', and then rushing the presentation of that prize?

Yes, Blur were about to come on - but they didn't finish their set on ITV1 anyway; given that there was already going to be an awkward mid-song bungle off to ITV2, could a couple of minutes not been found for Adele?

In fact, was it really so important to scramble to keep ITV on schedule? Yes, pushing the News At Ten back to the News At Five Past Ten might have been awkward, but would it have been that bad? The delay would have knocked on through the rest of the schedule - but what delights did ITV have lined up?

A repeat of Benidorm.
A repeat of The Cube.
Some sort of gambling show.

Could it have been what ITV was really worried about was missing the start of the junction for that, Jackpot 247? Was the concern that letting Adele say "cheers" would have delayed the network's attempts to separate fools and money?

Lily Allen senses another motivation:

"I'd rather hear adeles acceptance speech," she tweeted after the incident, adding, "I can't say I'm surprised [it was cut off]. It was like the music industry's attitude to women played out as a metaphor."

Up to a point. More like the attitude to musicians. It's all just content, and must be cut to fit the gaps between the sales points.

Gordon in the morning: A wing of ITV PR

There's not really much in the Bizarre pages today, which makes it all the more obvious just how badly Gordon relies on the ITV press office feeding him filler is - there's three non-stories about Dancing On Ice, and an awful bit on the launch of a post-show programme for Take Me Out. Yes, Take Me Out:

ESSEX lothario Mark Wright is on a self-imposed dating ban to keep him out of the grasp of girls on his new Take Me Out show.

This is listed as a "TV exclusive by Lucy Connolly" - I suppose it's exclusive on the basis that nobody else would touch it with a long pole:

He said: "Take Me Out girls may be looking for Mr Right — but it's not Mark Wright.

"I'm single but there is no way I am dating anyone from the show. I'm working and I am too professional. It's not happening."

Man who struggles to deliver a line in the trail for a programme on ITV2 spun off a programme on ITV which nobody watches says that he won't be dating people who haven't even shown any interest in him. That's quite an exclusive.

HMV announce the X Factor winner

A couple of weeks ago, STV screwed up and accidentally gave the impression the vote to bring back one bunch of chancers to the X Factor was a waste of time. They published stories that had been held in reserve while the vote was still running, leading to mutterings of "fix".

Today, @realshowbiz has come across this:

It purports to be an HMV webpage claiming Amelia Lily will be releasing the "X Factor winner's single."

However, if ITV had fixed the vote, and told HMV, wouldn't they also have let on what the winner's single would actually be called?

X Factor descends further into chaos

Last night, then, it seemed like the Earth itself had grown tired of the X Factor, with "an unusual power spike" forcing the show off the air for fifteen minutes.

ITV might wish it had stayed off the air, as well, with the curious publication of the results of the phone vote on STV's website an hour before they happened.

STV have the sort of convincing explanation that Theresa May might make:

STV said in a statement: "The STV web team prepared stories regarding each contestant in anticipation of the result and due to a technical hitch, all four stories went live on our website.

"We would stress that this was purely a technical hitch and for this we apologise."

Now, we've all done this - accidentally putting live something that you intended for draft - but it's odd that most people only seem to have spied the page hailing the success of Amelia Lily, the actual winner of the vote; and while preparing the pages in advance makes sense, would they have left it so late to compile the pages?

Doubtless all cock-up, but it doesn't look good.

Especially on a day when people are being encouraged to vote formerly evicted contestants back on to the programme. You might recall that when this happened on Big Brother, Channel 4 were censured and forced to pay £50,000 to the then-phone regulator ICSTIS.

Gordon in the morning: X Factor discounts as Roses return

Here's a surprise: after all the excitement Gordon Smart showed over the Stone Roses reunion, the big story was handed to Tim Nixon to cover.

Gordon was busy on Twitter, though, being slapped down by the mighty Tim Burgess for sloppy attention to detail:

not wishing to be over pedantic gordon but classic line up rather than original would be a better description

Gordon responded:

As always you are correct! But for the sake of Sun readers, that's the original line-up they will remember. I know about Pete G

Eh? The phrase "original line-up" now means "the earliest line-up Sun readers would remember"? And doesn't that paint Sun readers as a bit thick?

@Red_Devil1981 thought so:

slightly patronising Gordon! I think you'll find we know our music mate!

Smart responded by trying to deflect the attacks:

Apologies Matt didn't mean to come across badly. Damn 140 characters! Pls reply to the RT I'm about to fire up!

The RT he "fired up" was this one, from @HerekDales:

there is an advert booked in The Sun next Thurs to sell tickets for #Stoneroses tour. Won't reach many SR fans then

There's a difference between many readers loving the band and most of the band lovers reading the paper, Gordon.

Back on safer ground for Bizarre, the X Factor gets a kicking for having scaled back its ambition:

EXCLUSIVE By COLIN ROBERTSON and ROBIN PERRIE

X FACTOR bosses have quietly dropped the claim that their winner will bag a "million-pound contract" after leaks revealed the act would need to shift FOUR albums to hit seven figures.

I don't think anyone has ever really believed in the "million pound" thing, but it's fascinating that even ITV have dropped the claims.

A show source said: "The bottom line is that unless you have hit album after hit album you will never get anywhere near the £1million from selling records. But it's still a hugely lucrative show."

Yes. For Syco and ITV.

[Thanks to Craig in the comments yesterday for suggesting taking a peek at Gordon's Twitter]

Gordon in the morning: The Leona Lewis log-roll

What's that, Gordon? Leona Lewis is performing her new single on Red Or Black this Saturday? Remind me, who is the force behind this latest revival of You Bet?

Simon Cowell's new ITV1 gameshow Red Or Black

Ah yes. Simon Cowell. And who is funding the performance?

Leona has hired Kylie's creative director William Baker to mastermind the performance after being given a £100,000 budget by her label bosses.

Her label bosses. And, remind me again: what label is she on?

Syco

Ah, yes. ITV used to be a public service broadcaster; nowadays it seems to be little more than a sandbox for Simon Cowell.

X Factor stretching the truth? Surely not?

You'll recall back during the hoo-hah about Ronan Parke on Britain's Got Talent, one of the things that outraged Simon Cowell so was the mere suggestion that one of his game shows might offer an easier ride to an act with whom his Syco label had connections, while not revealing those connections.

From the Mirror this morning:

It emerged that one of the early frontrunners [in this year's X Factor] – pizza waitress Roxy Yarnold – has strong links with Cowell’s Syco record label and Walsh has championed her for years.

Roxy, 19, was the star of Saturday’s show after being sent through to the next round with four resounding “yes” votes.

But we can reveal that Roxy was handpicked in 2007 to tour with Westlife, Shayne Ward and G4 – who have all been signed to Syco.

And Louis – who manages Westlife and previously Shayne Ward – said in a 2007 interview: “She’s young, she’s pretty, she’s talented and I just think she’s got a great future.”

X Factor spokespeople claim that she had no unfair advantage, and that she chose to go and audition all by herself.

Maybe. But shouldn't it at least be made explicit that viewers are not watching a pizza waitress, but a professional musician? Shouldn't Louis have been honest that he wasn't seeing her sing for the first time?

Gordon in the morning: The stench of desperation

Given that Gordon relies on Simon Cowell and the X Factor Talent machine for about 75% of his articles that don't come from other magazines, it's quite brave of him to run Richard White and Lucy Connolly's bit this morning:

X FACTOR contestants are being plied with free booze in a bid to ramp up the sex and scandal in this year's series.

And cameras will be in finalists' bedrooms 24 HOURS A DAY on Simon Cowell's orders to make sure viewers get to gawp at every alcohol-fuelled grope.

I suppose that this is meant to be "publicity" of the good sort, but from where I'm sitting it sounds a bit like ITV trying to get vulnerable young people drunk to film them having sex. Even R Kelly's got beyond that sort of behaviour.

Britain's Got Talent got a mole?

Interesting document has turned up online from someone claiming to be an employee of Sony, telling an interesting tale about Ronan Parke.

Parke is a contestant on the current Britain's Got Talent. According to this account, he's also the preselected winner. And has been signed to Syco for two years, during which time he's been groomed (yes, like that) for a brief crack at the preteen market.

It has to be remembered that this is an anonymous account, and by its nature a one-side-of-the-story. There are, presumably, enough people who have been disadvantaged, disgusted or disrespected by Simon Cowell, his various franchises and ITV in general to make the obvious default position 'how do I know this isn't written drenched in bitterness rather than truth'?

I hope Ronan is not damaged by this experience, unforunately, history warns otherwise...but whatever, the genie is already out of the bottle and come this weekend, Ronan's life will change forever. Whether it's a good or bad experience being a 12 year old star in today's music industry, only time will tell. But as an industry insider I have serious reservations about what is about to happen to Ronan Parke and I doubt he or his family are ready for what's coming.

But if there's any truth in it at all, it's not just Ofcom who should be worried by the claims. There's a case for Social Services to be involved, as well.

Ofcom tells X Factor off; Cowell hugs money closer to make himself free better

That nice Dermot O'Leary isn't so nice. MediaGuardian reports:

Regulator says Dermot O'Leary should not have encouraged viewers to download songs by Diana Vickers and Michael Bublé

"Oh god, he shouldn't have done it" said the Ofcom findings, "especially the Bublé one - Jesus, that's more than any ear should have to endure."

Actually, the real transgression of the rules was that programmes aren't meant to flog stuff in their programmes:

Programme-makers blamed the references, which they admitted were "inappropriate", to "an unfortunate script error".

This mistake was initially not spotted in the episode broadcast on 17 October last year when O'Leary said: "If you want to download Diana's single, details at itv.com/xfactor."

Okay, so that was a terrible error - I mean, how would you expect anyone at all on the production team of one of ITV's biggest programmes to know one of the most basic and obvious rules about what you can and can't do under the broadcast code. Perhaps that explains the over-bawdy performances on the final - maybe nobody on the team knew you couldn't have women flashing their undies at teatime.

So, one week it was a terrible mistake. These things do happen. What about the next week, though?

The same script was used as a basis for the 24 October programme, when O'Leary said: "If you want to download Michael's single, all the details on itv.com/xfactor".

Oh, what a terrible mistake. Again.

Still, it does confirm a truth I think we'd all guessed at - week after week, pretty much the X Factor is the same but with a quick find and replace done on the script to put in the names of the songs being slaughtered and the guests being given a quick bunk-up and you're away. Indeed, some weeks, it's looks like that even the final outcome was prescripted.